I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
