i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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