Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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