they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
