my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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