She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
