I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
