Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
