i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize