I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
