How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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