PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
