dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
