So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
