i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
