He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
