The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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