You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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