Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's like heaven, but drunker
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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