Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
