you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
