Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
