Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize