yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want to make out with him forever
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
