i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
