i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
