whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize