Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
