your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
