Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
