I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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