Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
