I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
