I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
