my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
