She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
