they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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