you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
