So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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