Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
