you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
