i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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