Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
