Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
