1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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