just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
