I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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