I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
