hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
