You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
