I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
