I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
