walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize