You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
