yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
splinters make it hard to masturbate
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
