If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
