Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
