I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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