theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Congratulations! We have a period
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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