So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
