rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
