At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
