I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
