I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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