Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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