I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
