yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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