You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
