No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
