Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
