I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
