Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize