does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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