so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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