Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
