I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
