woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
