Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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