im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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