I'm lost and stupid without you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
