Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
