Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
