there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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