I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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