He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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