You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
