I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
