How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
