i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
