these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My penis needs a shock collar
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
