My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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