I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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