i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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