So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize