Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
