is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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