i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bring money and cleavage
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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