I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
