i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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