I just saw a hot homeless man
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
