i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
