she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
