My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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